Top 5 Law Student Summer Clerkship Rejection Letters
Almost every law student experiences a healthy dose of rejection when they are searching for a summer job. Since I am not ranked in the top 10% at a top 10 school, nor do I have close family connections to set me up with a nice summer clerkship, finding a job requires a little more effort. In addition to checking the job postings at the Career Services Office (CSO), this means sending out lots of resumes. This, in turn, means that I have received my fair share of rejection letters. But not all rejection letters are the same. Here are a few examples of what I received.
Dear Applicant,
The position which you interviewed for has been filled.
This one is short and sweet and to the point, which I can appreciate. The only problem is that they used an entire piece of company letterhead to send one sentence. If this is their standard rejection letter, they should get company postcards printed up. It would be cheaper.
Dear Applicant,
At this time we are not hiring a law clerk. We will keep your resume on file if our needs change.
Interpretation: We might hire a summer law clerk, if the nephew of our founding partner needs a job. Your resume is in the trash. Thanks for writing.
Dear Applicant,
Thank you for your resume. Your qualifications were very impressive, but at this time, we have no plans to hire a summer clerk. I am fully confident that a person with your qualifications will have no problem finding summer employment. Best of luck.
This is by far my favorite. I received several like this. They build you up as they reject you. This is the equivalent of a girl saying: “You are a great guy who will make some girl very happy. But I’m just not looking for a relationship right now”. Even though you suspect you are being bullshitted, it’s just too nice to get angry with.
Dear Applicant,
Thank you for your interest in the summer clerk position with the University’s Legal Services Office. Unfortunately, you are not one of the applicants chosen for an interview. We felt that your qualifications did not match those of the ideal candidate.
When I first received this, I thought I misread it. It is harsh and vague. I’m not sure what qualifications they were looking for, since my GPA and class rank were well within the parameters specified within the job posting, and they didn’t require any special skills or experience. But this one is nice compared to the worst one I got:
Dear Applicant,
We received your cover letter and resume indicating an interest in a summer clerkship. We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for an interview. Your qualifications did not match up to some of the other applicants, or to the high standards we impose upon our summer clerks. Good luck with the rest of law school.
Interpretation: Who do you think you are? Did you actually think a prestigious law firm like ours would hire someone like you? You and your non-Ivy league law school make me sick. I hate myself and my life, so I’m taking it out on you. Thanks for playing.
[thanks to handslive and barely legal via cc]
How the Elder Law Society Ruined My Job Interview
A few weeks ago I had an interview with a Personal Injury firm. The interview began with me talking to a young associate who graduated from my school a few years ago. After discussing the firm and my qualifications, he brought one of the partners in to meet me. Our conversation diluted into pointless small talk when the partner asked me what I thought about tort reform. I hadn’t thought about tort reform since the November elections, and even then I never thought enough about it to form an opinion. But considering my audience, I improvised and told them why I was strongly opposed to tort reform, although I’m not sure if I made much sense.
Partner: “Wow, you sure feel strongly about this. I heard they have a tort reform club over at your school. Is this true?”
Mike (not wanting to dig myself in deeper than I already was): “I don’t know. They have a club for everything.”
Partner: (laughs) “There sure were a lot of clubs. I didn’t have time for too many.”
Mike: “Yeah, I can think of better ways to spend my Thursday lunch hour than meeting with the Elder Law Society.”
Associate: “I was president of the Elder Law Society.”
Mike: “Oh …(awkward pause) Well, it’s really gone downhill since you left.”
Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.
[thanks to toddomanbat and mike via cc]
Criminal Confused for an Attorney: How Ronald Tackman Escapes From Prison
Ordinarily – despite what so many of you are probably thinking right now – it is not that difficult to distinguish between lawyers and criminal suspects. Really. But I guess what we learn from this story is that it’s mostly because of the suit.
Sources in New York report that (as of Thursday afternoon) authorities are still searching for Ronald Tackman, a 56-year-old man with a long criminal record who escaped from a prisoner holding area in Manhattan Supreme Court (not too far from City Hall and Wall Street) on Wednesday. Tackman was facing trial on second-degree robbery charges when he made his escape, which he accomplished by means of the daring tactic of walking out the door. He was able to do this because someone had left a prisoner holding area unlocked.
Also crucial to Tackman’s escape: the suit he had worn for trial.
According to the report, in order to get out of the courthouse Tackman at one point had to pass through a courtroom. As he walked through the room (the report used the word “strolled,” so maybe he did that), a court officer noticed him, but apparently mistook him for a lawyer, calling him “counselor.” Whether Tackman responded is unclear, but the officer didn’t stop him. He then walked out the north entrance, went home, said hi to his mom, changed clothes, and disappeared.
Tackman has served at least three stretches in prison and has made two prior escape attempts. His first one, which involved a fake gun made out of soap, was unsuccessful. The next time he used a pellet gun, and managed to escape (temporarily) from a prison van. This escape, in which he brandished only a three-piece suit, may be his most successful to date. But then he is only the most recent example of somebody using a suit to get away with robbery in that part of town.
Maybe the authorities are just trying to find him so they can get him his hundred-million-dollar bonus.
[thanks to arturo de albornoz and kevin underhill via cc]
