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Holiday Bonus at the Law Firm

As the year comes to a close, the partnership would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your hard work.

We’ve won several important cases and put together a lot of complicated transactions. Our clients think we walk on water.

And it is thanks to you that our firms stands to have another very profitable year.

Does this mean holiday bonuses?

This is your holiday bonus. Don’t you feel joyful?

Thought bubble: You’ll need a miracle for that.

Is that a no? 

[Image courtesy of The Billable Hour

The 10 Worst Questions to Ask in a Law Firm Interview

From The Volokh Conspiracy:

Here’s a list of the top ten worst things to say when the attorneys at the law firm you want to work at asks you at the end of the interview, “So, do you have any questions for me?”

1. “How would you describe the atmosphere here — Is it more like a labor camp or a slave ship?”

2. “I heard there was this guy who came here and only billed like three hours a week. They say it took the firm two years to kick him out, and they gave him a nice bonus to leave, too. Is that true?”

3. “Is it as bad as they say?”

4. “No. Should I?”

5. “I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?”

6. “Is your managing partner qualified to be on the Supreme Court?”

7. “Is there a bathroom on this floor?”

8. “How many partners here are still on their first wives?”

9. “Where am I? All of these firms look alike.”

10. “Where else are you interviewing?”

When Years Can Equal Anuses in a Court of Law

Do you have 21 anuses?

How would you feel if a police officer asked you that?

Well that’s what happened to a super drunk Spanish speaking driver.

A man gets pulled over because the cops on the case find him suspicious of driving under the influence (DUI). When they pull him over, they find out that he can only speak Spanish. So they call over another officer that speaks Spanish. He shows up and reads the driver his Miranda rights and they give him a breathalyzer.

The dude is completely blasted off his mind drunk.

So the cops think, ok this is a done deal, he’s going to jail for DUI. We have our case sealed and this guy is going down with a definite conviction. But a twist in the case comes in. The driver’s attorney submits a motion to void the results of the breathalyzer. His lawyer says that the drunk driver of the car didn’t really understand his rights before he was administered the breathalyzer test. The police officers are dumbfounded because they even read everything off a card to make sure they got everything right in Spanish.

The defense lawyer then displays the card that’s in Spanish which the officers used. In the card, there’s a section in which the officer is supposed to ask the suspected drunk driver if he is 21 years old, which is translated to, “Tienes veinteuno años?”.

However, there was a small problem with that.

There was no tilde over the n, resulting in, “Tienes veinteuno anos?”

Big difference.

In Spanish, años means years. But anos translates to anus.

Yes, the driver thought they asked him, “Do you have 21 anuses?”

The weirdest part of it all? The defendant answered, “Si.” (Yes.)

To top it all off, once they’re all in court, the defense attorney won’t even use the word “anus”. He instead calls it “the back region”.

So remember, if you’re ever in danger of DUI, use the Anus Defense™. In fact, we are trademarking the phrase. All royalties must be directed to me. Paypal accepted. Rates are negotiable.