Law School Humor: Unemployed 3L Law Student Consolation

We at Career Services would like to send out consolations to all the 3Ls who remain uncommitted to an employer at this stage of the semester.

We would like to remind you that the Juneau Alaska Public Defender’s office still has an opening this fall. This is a fantastic opportunity, people! The pay may be modest, but after a few years you’ll be experienced enough defend moose poaching cases privately.

While it is disheartening that there are more applicants than positions available, you must keep in mind that you have spent the last three years in one of the most rigorous graduate programs available. You can use the skills you learned here in any employment you find, legal or not. For example:

  • Lots of legal issues out there remain unresolved. Is the flurry of contracting in today’s business community creating more employees with all the requisite worker’s compensation and OSHA regulations or is it creating Posner’s nimbly efficient labor market? The law doesn’t have to be just theoretical anymore. As a day laborer, you can get hands on experience with this and other legal issues (matriculation in Immigration Law preferred. Se habla, por favor)
  • Gentlemen, draw up your own release of custody agreements when you donate your 1400+ SAT score sperm to lesbian couples. Remember, this isn’t the character and fitness bar so feel free to throw a few more inches on your height during the application process. It’s a buyer’s market out there.
  • Those latin phrases we taught you won’t go to waste. Your knowledge of root words will keep you sharp. You’ll know right away that when you serve the Venti coffee at Starbucks that “Venti” actually refers to the number of ounces (20) and is not Italian for extra large like Thad, your art school student coworker, says.

Due to the massive increase in as-of-yet-unemployed law students our own Career Services office will be hiring. An Anne Frank-esque attitude of optimism in the face overwhelming hopelessness is required, but you'll be able to afford more than an attic on a Law School salary. Come join the team! If you can't be invited to OCI, you can at least schedule it.

[thanks to editor b and russ via cc]